take off your helmet mr drag star

The Sun, a bloody small band, from ohio. so small that i can't even find them on limewire. so, im shall buy their album. YAY.

and their mtv's are good. amen to that. here's the link to their mtv of "romantic death"

they're SO good.

and here's the lyrics. :D

close your eyes
kiss my lips
i'll put my hands on your hips
and pull you into
your own romantic death

i'm looking down the barrel of a gun
just for fun
fighting in a war I only know exists
but for prophets

i dont ever wanna come down from this war
I've seen things I've never seen before

Oh look at this mess we've made
Everything is coming up back in spades
Dancing in the streets
fucking to a beat
So much blood collected in this short time connected
Making little kiddy zombies

i dont ever wanna come down from this war
I've seen things I've never seen before

I can see what you mean
when i'm holding you tight
i can see what you mean
When I'm alone at night

Will you say that you will love me forever
when we're together i just love everything that you do
will you say that you will love me forever
when we're away i've got to get right back to you

hokhokhokai. enough of mushy song lyrics.

i love the bad boy, like robbie williams. and i love whoever has any of his traits. he doesn't even have to be super good-looking/cute/rich to attract me (and almost get me obsessed) like a bee to the sweetest flower in the world. all he has to be is the bad boy, the player, the guy with the wild hair do, the wild guy, and i'm hooked.

i think it's got something to do with the rebellious nature in all teens. the not-a-girl-not-yet-a-woman syndrome - when you're desperately trying to break free from your suffocating parents and do something, connect with someone who makes you feel free and independent, and all grown up. that's why we give in to peer pressure, why we take the first and subsequent puff, why we get piss drunk at parties and chalets, blah blah and blah. i don't think im trying too hard to grow up. in fact, i dont think i am at all. but i honestly do think it's absolutely thrilling to feel free, away from your parents and away from the comfort zone of a world that we've known all our life, and quite happily settled into and nestled. i dont even know if there's such a word as nestled, but fuck it, it's explains what im trying to get across.

i've felt the urge to wrench myself from my parents ever since i was young. them, the axphiciating asian parents. me, the chinese kid with white beliefs. not that my parents didnt try bring me up the best way an asian parent could, by drilling in the asian morals, ethics, culture etc into me. they've taught me to be independent, to have a mind of my own, to go out into the wilderness and face all those wildebeestes and just get what i want. and i guess it kind of backfired on them. i got too independent for my own good, or theirs.

"don't you ever have one of those badly brought up white boys as your boyfriend when you grow up!" said mom.
the next week, i purposefully joined in spin the bottle and kissed one.

a booklet on drug use in victoria was distributed in my neighbourhood, and mom made me read it. "don't you ever take drugs like those crazy white people, or you'll end up dead" she warned.
i made up my mind to try the soft one, marijuana, when i was older. afterall, the booklet said it was the most popular drug taken, and its effects was minimal. the high school kids smoked it in our cricket courts anyway, and i did spot chinese kids doing it. oh god, they were alive at that too!

i punched the guy who made fun of my asian lineage while his friend looked on. i got scolded for that of course. "you got me called down to the school office. do you know how embarrassing it is steph?"

independence and standing up for myself my ass. oh, did i mention i was below ten when all the above occurances happened?

SO ANYWAY. back to the badboys. :D

it was mighty fun hanging out with josh on saturday, even if it were only for an hour and a half at measly jalan kayu. we chatted/discussed/debated evolution, scent, psychology, ngeeann poly (he graduated from there in 2001?), mating habits of the homo sapien (right now, we're homo sapien sapien's) and sex. i cannot find a good enough word to use to describe how fascinating and freshly breath taking it is, being with older, articulate and knowledgable people, especially when they happen to be guys. its so bloody insightful, and a nice change from the usual shopping, clothes, boyfriends and hair topics.

it's ten fifteen, and i've got to get home. "are your parents like really really strict? want to go for a ride?" i cant resist the fun. so we hop onto his motorbike, which i thought was quite big, and hit seletar expressway. the wind's in our hair, my legs were cold, and my fingers were clinging on for dear life to the seat. (i've learnt that its not at all essential to hold on the the guy. it's just something they make up for their own pleasure purposes)

we turn into seletar camp. lo and behold, there's even a housing estate there. cottage-looking, quaint, tiny houses along dirt roads and a miny highway. "ohmygod, it's like malaysia, but better" i muttered. he chuckled. and it was warm. he took off his helmet with one hand, the other, not so firmly gripped to the handles, and passed it to me. he took both his silly hands off the handles more than thrice and somehow managed to turn round to grin at me. i smacked him hard on all occasions.

what is with guys and showing off. no wonder so many pillion riders die. but it was fun. and i can't wait for him to be on hols again and come back here.

what is it with people and relationships. i honestly think it's stupid. i could be saying that because im jealous and bitter at all the blissfully attached humans in the world, but nah. i was on the phone with a girl friend, who was crying her heart out. being over dependent on other people irks me. which is why i always tell people to be wary of their dependency on their special someone. plus, i cant be that sweet partially-defenseless little thing that most guys want, to make them feel big and strong and hunkydory-manly.

stupid thing is, practically everyone's attached, and it's making me a tad bit miserable. :( bah!

oh, i've made it through the interviews! im going to new york for the journlism study trip. hurrah. (: there's plenty to prepare, and boy it is hard work.