word banks and horrific names

i've not been myself recently. and that pretty much sucks. im not laughing as much, making jokes so much, smiling a lot nor thinking clearly. and that sucks. because i feel like a lousy person. to the extent that i really do believe so. i like being alone now, and not talk to anyone. even when i was on the phone with joshua, i didnt actually feel like talking. all i want to do is stay hidden at home, and rot all by myself. and the mere thought of doing that, makes me, a little happier. fuck. im a boring, unintelligent, no-lifer. amen.

the only thing that made me happier today, where i spent my whole day at home, working on my flash assignment, which doesnt seem to work, was watching and sneering at the miss singapore universe commercials on the telly. yes, i am utterly pathetic i know. honestly, it did work, no matter how stupid it seems. i'm sitting here in front of the telly, working on my laptop, hair tied up high on my head, keeping my fringe out my eyes, in goofy ugly spectacles, legs spread wide (and occasionally, in the phua-chu-kang-one-leg-on-seat position. either that or, on the coffee table that im working on), in drabby faded over-sized tshirts, looking oh-so-unglamourous, and laughing hysterically to myself at the hilarious names the contestants have as well as their weirdly shaped faces. i.e. destiny ong and swyn teo. WHAT NAMES!!! i swear, they must have given it to themselves. i cant wait to actually catch the finals on channel 5 and watch in horror, them strut their horrific skinny white bodies around and as i cringe in pain and sheer torture, hear them give half-witted answers to the relatively simple questions the host poses to them. they may have the slim and fair body that most singaporean [males] look for in a girl, but they lack the mental capacity to formulate cohesive and smart answers in front of an audience. and they wonder why people think that beauty contests like these are for the dumb skinnies. maybe i should join one next year. armed with my fat and flabby body, (read, curvy and bootilious), cellulite and stretch-marked thighs (read, their actually quite, cute), weirdly accented engrish (read, i still can spik lyk dem one horz), and ugly contorted nose. at least i still have something in common with all of them. they have weird jaws, weird smiles, and i have a weird fleshy ugly nose. hoooray.

and oh boy, i hate my english. i have recently started a word bank book, again. there's nothing like noting down all the new and chim words you learn everyday to improve your english.

[sean my sweetcakes, dont plan to.]