musclegirlymanlygirl

oh.my god.. my muscles seem to bulge out of their skin! hur. why cant using weights cause them to tauten up and shrink a little?! okay, i mean a lot. i remember there was a time when some guy commented how my arms were so big and he couldnt even stretch his whole arm around them. trust me, no matter how strong you love being, that's just the WORST comment any body could make. desperately thinking who that ass was. honestly cant recall, will screw him when i remember. so depressing! yes, i have been doing arm curls, twisted arm roll thingies, superman-stretches-his-arm-while-flying weight thingies, etc. gosh. i've had muscle aches in places i never knew i had muscles! when i woke today, the ache wasnt that bad. guess it fades after you start doing it really often huh.

at lunch today, this guy nenghao mentioned something about having my physique/build. i wsa like, glaring at him.. "im not fat!" i growled. 'build i said. muscular. not fat' took off my jumper and compared my arm, discreetly with charlotte's.. whoa. i honestly felt fat.okayy..she's like really skinny.. i've been losing weight around my waist.dont know why..was wearing a skirt of mine and it felt miraculously looser.which is good i guess..

speech com today was cool. had to do a speech. wanted to talk about debate, sean's idea.thought it was a great topic to talk about, lot funny, interesting things to say..thing is, i've brought it up last week, already. so instead, i talked about bunjee jumping.it was impromtu..i did pretty okay i guess.the teacher said i was a good speaker, blah blah and blah. gotta improve on not depending on my audience so much.starting was a little halty.and when i managed to engage the audience, i did a stunning job.pronounciation's good.yayyie.richel, the guy ahead of me, was totally breathtaking.i mean, his speech affected me, cuz it was on a personal level, and yeah, i was thinking a whole lot as i stood in front when my turn came..i nearly cried! arh well.

video production was awesome! working with camera's.. fixing them up.. fun! great fun! can't wait to start the project!! lect adrian asked plenty of questions.. had the answers in my head. dont know why i didnt dare speak up for some of them. turned out to be the right answers.. was pleasantly pleased with myself. he asked this certain question which i answered, and another person gave another answer. kinda felt awkward, when i turned out to be right. it's already so complicated and messed up as it is. must try get to know them better..

people who i see the goodfriendsfuture with.michelle, charlotte, nes, grace, sangari (hungry).grace just needs to open up a litte more. we need to see your wild side girl!! going swimming at school with them tomorrow at 10.might have lunch with him.might not.well, im cool i guess..he might have stuff to do.well, shant be a spoilt brat and kick a big fuss out of nothing.felt that awkwardness again.like how i felt earlier today with someone else..its not, yet it is...

burst out laughing on the bus when i was alone. as in, imagine silnce. suddenly a girl laughing to herself. gosh. the embarrassment. i was thinking of this time, when i imagined getting back my o's results. and what i would do. look at the peice of paper, look up and do this clenched fist,hand wave from side to side. and i remember how sean burst out laughing and mimicked that action.. he looked really cute. like the energizer bunny. he knows what im talking about.not really making much sense.gotta get him do it again for me soon..heh..

dad's phone keeps turning off by itself. urgh.. and i dont like using it's sms function and i kidna left all my numbers in my phone, so its like, unused. think i CAN live without a mobilephone. dad just got back from aust an hour ago. bought me my fave muesli bars and roll-ups..he forgot to buy my crumpets!grr.well, i do have roll-ups and MB's to last like 3 weeks..yay.

deciding to stay home on sat or not. just wanna be alone. by myself.. and relax. if i go out, it'll be hectic, and busy. i need a day to do nothing. maybe turn off my handhone, unplug the house phone, dont go online. get rid of all means of communication and be by myself. that would be nice. wish singapore had a beach or a park or someplace where i could sit, absorb the scenery and just relax. away from all the distractions and people-destroying elements of life.

kinda pissed now..which is why i just wanna run away from everything.that's not cowardice now is it?running away from your problems..gotta find a way to do that in my own home. self hypnotism? drugs? booze? meditating? the latter works well!

was watching some reality telly show just now. some miss USA as the prize turkey.. 18 plain joe's, who arent that plain..fat,gawky,nerdy,compuer nerd yuppie sort,skinhead..gosh i feel so mean.8 of them were left.and they were really happy, cuz that night none had to leave.then the game masters introduced 8 hot HOT HOOOOOOOOOOOOT guys to the island.felt so sad for the plain joes.i mean, this certain one,was quite nice..nice guy, so shy!, didnt dare take advantage of her and kiss her.i was like, wow..the rest of the plain joes, sucked.i mean, (God, forgive me for saying this), loser mentality?okay, not loser la, more like, won't be able to keep up with the world mentality.the hot guys were hot.standing in a row, at the front of the cruiser.wow.their bodies were like, so hard, and muscular, glistening in the sun, eyes narrowed.i was like, so wanted to run my hands over their chest!there was this cutie.todd's his name..

GRR.. growls.. URGH!! am i really supposed to keep my promise that i made?i feel so.. ugh. i cant inform that.. be U. N. D. E. R. S. T. A. N. D. I. N. G.. cant stand it sometimes.. just gotta keep reminding myself. sometimes its so frustrating that i just wanna, urgh, thoughts i should keep to myself.. guard your heart, steph.