historycatchesup

its kinda interesting when you read back on your old blog entries.
jon and my arguments
to noe all already is to be paralyzed, disabled, bcos all is not full of possibility but
but it reminds u of bad stuff
but, it paradoxes kz
so im like my life now is total opp of last time i shld be thanksful
a part of me is like, numb, hollow, dead alrdy
i can still feel it there
but its like
a vacuum
this emptineesss
that will always remain?
it's irritiaing me
cuz it feels so empty
i need to fill it
but how can you fill smthn which isnt there
the void will always be thr i guess
just gotta hope that the other part will grow, and cover and replace whatever that isnt there
think the heart with diff compartments
some bigger
some smaller
some taking up more space than the rest
e one with jon's name on it, is black, and shrivelled.dead.over and done with
everything else,the compartments with Jesus,u,sean,kz,ele,sf and everyone else who i love, red and pumping
so
the more i love, the bigger they grow
one day
they'll cover up the shrivelled heart. and i'll forget and wont feel the little emptiness anymore.
so hurry up and grow.
i cant take the empty feeling anymore.
it hurts.
i used to like the feeling of being hurt, numb and dead.
or so says my blog.
i dont enjoy it anymore.
Daddy, take it away.fill me with Your love.Your great love.

closer than my thoughts
closer than a kiss
how could it be
more intimate than this?

more honest words than these i’ll never find.
with all my heart, my strength, my soul, my mind.

i love You, i love You, i’m Yours and You are mine.
i love You, i love You, i love You Jesus Christ.

let me hear Your voice
whisper Heaven’s song
deeper into You
is where i belong.

had a weird dream last night. he was a pilot and he died. grr.. haha, tif, that show!!