practically.. all my fucking so called friends, told me about this competition, told me that i should JOIN this competoition..
and guess what?
none of their fucking asses can make it
really ncie feeling k
i mean
then she tells me to ASK him along with me
if they wanna support me, fine, go
i had no intebntions of joining
till they all said about it
then
what
just as i wanna go for it
everybody cannot go
those who can go, can make it after it finishes, yes sweet of them, but during the comptetition how?
SHE must go with her NEW FOUND FRIENDS TO SUPPORT THEIR TENNIS
HE has his OTHER friends to go with too..
SHE nvm, got school
SHE got school, okay
everyone else cannot go
how fucking nice i feel now
im like.
i know they are sincere friends! im just not feeling it from them!
she said she promised her new friends already since two weeks ago, so okay, fine
told him, or at least painted a nice picture for him
and you know what?
he cant understand what i said, doesnt get what i said!:
and says for me to ask this guy, who i loathe
ad he knows that, hes just trying to joke
well, i dont see whats so funny
when im feeling so horribly down as it is!
okay fine
but im feeling so lousy now
this is not about competition
its about how i suck as a human being
look at me
friends have their new found friends
cant even get hooked on a stupid cigerette no matter how hard i try
stupid parents war politics games and guess what, theyre shooting at each other, with me in the middle of the battlefield
so WOW
cant turn to family
and wow again
cant turn to my friends
cant even fucking be a smoker loser!
fucking so fucking emotionally unbalanced right now.. getting dissed and shot at with machine guns by some girl and her two cousins over something that i have nothing at all to do with..
fucking everything's against me
fucking went past admiralty today, brought backs thoughts i managed to suppress successfully till now
fucking smelt his cologne also..

yes, thats basically whats bothering me so much.. copy and pasted my side of the convo with jon.. yes, back on talking terms! still kinda awkward, how he starting apologizing for dogging me / ditching me as a friend rather, over valerie.. gave his reasons.. hmm.. well, cant say i dont hate how mean his actions are, but i dont think about nor get affected by them anymore.. just as how i ignore my problems at home.. jaded... wear an armor, dont get disturbed at whats going on around me.. mom says i;ve given up caring for this household.. given up.. whatever.. i havent.. i still care.. but i dont wanna end up crying all the time.. done enough crying lately..

went to acjc, shield debate presentation.. sucked.. bored.. dreary.. my budds werent there.. yes, thanks alot.. tried to talk.. but, whatever.. not in the mood.. tension.. didnt look her in the eye.. talked to her.. but not directly.. faced her, but looked somelace else.. brief sentences, thats able.. yk didnt kiss the shield!! bugger..

feeling much physically better today.. probabl afte the spicy indian lunch.. haha..

smacks my head real hard.. valarie koh wee cheng!! grr.. its still plaging me!

he frowned at me today.. great.. am i getting over that dunce? yes, i tink i am.. i think i might.. think i shall.. i think i will.. i am.. trying..

dont bother readin any furthur.. it'll be boring.. just thre for me to read when i want to..

i never did get to say sorry about the whole thing before alright
i never did explain it to u .
so now i'm gona attemp too .
i'm pretty sure valerie is like.
a good person and stuff.
and i'm sure i am too .
but we both have issues in trusting each other alright
and it was immuture of me to just shov u off alright
no excuses for that ok .
anyways now the trust thing is not a issue
alright
screw this
no matter which way i put
it
its gona sound fucked.
so i'm gona put it one way and no other alright.
i put her infront of my friendships alright
i neglected everyone.
coz i didn't wana stuff up stuff between her and me.
up to everyone interpretation
of that was wrong or right ok.
nvm.
forget i said anything
alright
nothing needed to be said.
aqnd i should have just kept quiet.

very nice thing.. yayness..

lings also made my day.. simple act.. thanks..