the passion of the Christ

i just watched it on my computer.. i dont know where to start.. okay.. i knew the whole story.. yes, he got beaten and brutalized, he carried his cross up the slopes, yes he died on it.. but just watching everything like that.. it's just painful.. it blew me away.. and im still blown.. He loves us so much.. to die like that.. his body was so broken and ravaged.. whips with nails on the ends of them.. punturing His skin, tearing his flesh away as the roman guards yanked it away, just to continue their non-stop beatings.. with every stroke, his fleshed got carved out of him.. not just the back, but his chest too.. that, i never knew.. they turned him over, ONTO the ROCKY GROUND WITH HIS BLEEDING BACK being puntured further with pebbles, as they still whipped him.. then a flash back, him washing the feets of his disciples.. the scene changes back to the whippings.. with satan floating around in the crowd, telling jesus that he can stop and give in any time, and the beatings will stop.. i dont know whether i could do that.. to not give in to the easier way out.. and he did that to take away our sins.. we are forgiven, because he suffered all those for us.. ohgosh.. then on the cross.. the fella beside jesus said that He is not worthy nor does he deserve to be crucified on the cross.. oh gosh.. that just killed me.. i started sobbing uncontrollably.. i mean.. we are so unworthy.. we commit the sins.. we do the bad things.. yet he dies for us.. he died for everyone.. the guards who ravaged his body.. those who jeered and mocked him.. everyone.. flashback, to the time when he was teaching his followers about loving their neighbours as well as their enemies.. his face still a face and not a massive chunk of bloody flesh.. back to him hanging on that cross.. he loves us so much!! hur.. -sooooooooooob- and here i am doing what i do.. stuff.. he was mutilated so much already.. why am i continuing it? he's taken the pain, suffering and all that for me, for everyone.. stop.. -soooooob- i want to be in heaven with him soon.. just surrounded by his love, away from the horrible world.. i love you for dying for me.. ugh.. i cant do this now..

oh great.. my mom came into the room, sees my tissues and asks me whether i had to use all of it.. like what.. its not like i use one to just wipe away one tear.. each one was wet before i took another one.. thank you for getting me all pissed.. like what.. what kind of stupid question is that.. why did you use those tissues for.. as i she doesnt know i watched it. she knows.. oh yeah, during the show i just like to pull tissues out of the box.. im in such a fuckedup mood now.. i hate it when people come and ruffle up my already ruffled up feathers.. im already so down and sad over the show, and she has to start her crap.. 33 tissue papers.. most still damp with tears and mucuz. maybe she should check them out to make sure they did soak up their maximum.. hmph..

down under is freaking sensitive too.. hot and humid.. shit.. stupid eve..